Emmerdale star Jaye Griffiths has opened up about being in an abusive relationship for five years. The actress plays drug boss Celia in the ITV soap, but her life away from the cameras couldn’t be more different after she “disappeared” for half a decade while in a relationship marked by violence and control.
Speaking on Kaye Adams’ How to Be 60 podcast, Jaye explained: “I couldn’t tell anybody because I was so ashamed. I disappeared for about five years. You would now use the term gaslight – but I couldn’t make a decision. I didn’t know if what I thought was real was real, because he would constantly tell me I was wrong and the day after he hit me, I would get jewellery.
“I lived in this twilight existence and I had to start again. I had to find out that someone walking behind you didn’t mean you were going to get clobbered, that people sometimes said truthful things. But that took a very long time.
“When I finally went to the police they said on average a woman is hit 37 times before she tells anyone. All I did was lie – ‘no, I’m fine thanks, I’m fine.’ That’s exhausting.”
Even turning the heating on at home would lead to awful consequences, as her husband would rail: “You f***ing wasted my money!” – so she learned to keep it off.
She said: “If I didn’t put it on and the house was cold, there’d be consequences to that, so you live in a world of – what should I do? what’s for the best?”
Thankfully she got out of the relationship, explaining: “Time passes and you get stronger. I look back now and I think: f**k.’ People say to me: ‘why didn’t you just leave?’ and I want to stab them in the eye and go: ‘Where? And tell who? And do what?’”
She has now been happily married to her current husband for more than 20 years, but admitted it was hard to trust again after her abusive relationship.
She said: “We had rules – you couldn’t come up behind me, you couldn’t touch my neck. That took three or four years for that to stop. Now, if someone touches my neck, I don’t freak out, so that’s good. I don’t like it, but I don’t freak out.
“Home is now safe, as it should always have been; that’s what everybody deserves. Our house is peaceful, aside from a nutty Italian greyhound. Our house is so safe and my life is gentle; there’s no drama.
“He doesn’t do big romantic gestures – he doesn’t know what they mean – but he does bring a cup of tea, he does cuddle the dogs, he does make dinner every single night. He does things quietly and he’s very funny, so my life is lovely and I’m lucky. Not everybody has that.”
For confidential support, call the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or visit womensaid.co.uk If you or your family have lost a friend or family member through fatal domestic abuse, AAFDA (Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse) can offer specialist and expert support and advocacy. For more info visit www.aafda.org.uk.
