Explore how unrealistic expectations and silent pressure fuel men’s burnout. On International Men’s Health Day 2025, learn why men can’t “handle everything.”
During my cancer days, challenges from all aspects of life started layering. I lost my job, relationships were evaporating, and there was no money in the bank. I was one step from becoming homeless. I was trying to rebuild my physical and financial health. But deep inside, I was going through a slow and steady burnout. I was in denial. Then I woke up, I felt it was too late. I was ready to give up.
I justified my not sharing as “I did not want to stress my friends.” The truth was I did not want to hear myself talk and break my denial. When friends today become aware of what I went through, the first thing they ask is, “Why would you not reach out to me?” and then they give me a hug. I felt lonely but that did not mean I was alone. People around me did not quit on me. All I had to do was to get my head out of the sand and see the path forward. I should have been kind to myself and given me a warm hug.
I have seen that burnout among men rarely looks dramatic. It rarely shows up as collapse, tears, or loud breakdowns. Instead, we men put our best effort to hide behind silences, routines, and functioning. We add more tasks to show that handling everything is the path to bulldoze through challenges. We keep going long after we’ve run out of emotional fuel.
The big question is why we behave this way and what is the path forward. I feel at the core is a man-myth, “showing vulnerability makes us weak, hiding our emotions is strength and multitasking is the path forward.”
Here are some rules and boundaries I have established for myself.
Be in the present, embrace the truth: I cannot change the past. I accept and embrace reality as that frees me to be on the path forward. I only go to the past to get learning and celebrations. I celebrate the fact that despite all challenges, I have kept myself in the game.
Commit to self-love: In a flight, I put the oxygen mask on myself before helping others. The same way, I must first take care of myself too.
Be comfortable to say no: We are all born with a need to conform and desire to please. Instead of saying NO to others, I say YES to myself. It feels good and keeps me on the Unquit path.
Every time I walk into a doctor’s office, I do not know what will happen. But I know I will walk out with a cancer free mind and share with someone that “It did not go well.” I know that person will give me a big hug and say, “You are not alone.” Even on that day, I will smile and feel loved. Life is a super marathon, not a hundred-meter dash. When I dash uphill, I burn out. Instead, I pause, drink some water, shake a few hands, exchange a few smiles. I refuel and recharge, I move forward.
The journey is simple. Just be you. Accept you. Know you are not alone. There are unquitters who are on the sidelines ready to jump in and help. Pease share with pride, “I need help.”
Unquit on yourself, forever.
Arjun Sen is an author and Brand Zen who has put brands around the world on the path to Win Big. His unquit forever journey inspired Shoojit Sircar’s movie “I Want to Talk”.
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