If you want to talk about what is wrong with the way we refer to women and marriage, look no further than Kristen Bell’s recent wedding anniversary post.
The 45-year-old star of the Netflix smash hit Nobody Wants This took to social media to share a sweet photo of her hugging her actor-turned-podcaster husband, Dax Shepard.
The pair have been together for over 12 years and share two daughters. They are one of those rare Hollywood couples who have gone the distance, despite many ups and downs – including struggles with substance abuse and mental health.
“Happy 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me, ‘I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I’m heavily incentivised to kill you. I never would’,” she wrote.
The Veronica Mars star was clearly trying to make a lighthearted joke, and some of her followers saw the attempt at humour in her caption. But the problem is that no one should be laughing.
For many women, living in fear of their own partner physically harming them is a daily reality. In Australia, around 1 in 4 women and 1 in 8 men have experienced violence from an intimate partner or family member since the age of 15.
It’s hard to digest that this would even be a ‘joke’ between a married couple, and Bell’s caption rubbed plenty of her followers up the wrong way, with many calling her out for the “insensitive” and “tone deaf” post and also pointing out that she posted the message during Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) in America.
The funnywoman, who won us all over in Forgetting Sarah Marshall more than 15 years ago, really missed the bloody mark with this post.
Two glaring questions here – firstly, what on earth was Shepbard even thinking to make a remark like that to his wife, whether in a private moment or not. Secondly, what made Bell think this was an appropriate anecdote to repeat to her millions of followers?
We all know celebrities are often far removed from reality, but surely they’ve seen the news in the last few years and understand what domestic violence means.
I doubt Bell was thinking about the joke on a deeper level, I’m certain she was not actively thinking her joke would be linked to the the domestic violence epidemic, but is ignorance an excuse?
No matter your intentions, it is just wrong to normalise any attitude where women are seen as things men have to endure or put up with.
The comments on Bell’s Instagram tribute have been limited, but at the time of publication, the post remains unedited, and Bell hasn’t addressed the backlash.
While I might be personally up in arms about the post, the joke actually split Bell’s followers down the middle.
Some claimed it was “romantic” and “sweet”, others joined her in wishing the pair a happy wedding anniversary, while some agreed the post completely missed the mark.
“Kristen there is no way you posted this during domestic violence awareness month,” one wrote.
“This is not funny,” another posted.
“Yikes. Sometimes we don’t need to post all our thoughts,” one said.
“This is tone deaf,” someone else claimed.
Others shared their own experience with domestic violence.
“Everyone who thinks this is funny: talk to a DV survivor or the loved one of a DV who was murdered. Please think about the impact you are having,” one follower implored.
“Not funny at all. What kind of man says that to his wife? Oh wait, I know exactly what kind. Get out now, Kristen,” another wrote.
America’s DVAM is observed every October to raise awareness about domestic violence and intimate partner abuse.
The country’s Department of Justice has previously reported that a woman is killed approximately every 15 hours in the United States.
Australia’s also in the middle of a domestic violence epidemic, according to Counting Dead Women Australia, 36 women have died at the hands of violence in 2025.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics has also found that 17 per cent of women in Australia have experienced partner violence.
Psychologist Carly Dober said that joking about wanting to “kill your wife” in 2025 just simply isn’t ever okay.
“The bar shouldn’t be ‘I would never kill my wife; Even in jest, this makes light of the serious femicide and domestic violence issues plaguing the globe,” she said.
“It’s difficult to consider how the surviving families of women murdered by their partners, or women who’s partners and ex partners tried to murder them would feel about this.”
Ms Dober pointed out that there’s a worldwide domestic violence crisis and there’s no place for these type of remarks.
“In Australia, femicide rates show an increase, with the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) reporting 57 female domestic homicide victims in 2023-24, with 81 per cent killed by an intimate partner,” she said.
“The domestic homicide victimisation rate was 0.42 per 100,000 females in 2023-24. There is a significant disparity in rates for Indigenous women, who face a disproportionately high homicide rate compared to non-Indigenous women.
“These jokes are in very poor taste, and do not acknowledge the real harm experienced by far too many women,” she said.
