In all seriousness, the modern world is an unforgiving place and our sons, brothers, husbands and fathers deserve a little support
I can guarantee the only conversation many of us have had about the big men’s celebration was on International Women’s Day in March when someone – okay, my husband – asked “when’s our day?” The subtext was men never get any recognition, and probably something to do with lady golfers.
So International Men’s Day is on November 19. You’re welcome.
Incidentally, this year’s EU Equal Pay Day is on November 17, when symbolically women stop earning money for the rest of the year compared to male workers. But I don’t want to do the proverbial on anyone’s chips, so we’ll just leave that in a corner, with the laundry and the childcare.
It’s a busy time for the guys with men’s health month, Men’s Day with its six pillars of wisdom, and Movember with its five key messages. This is all starting to sound like a lot of work.
While women’s day tends to be marches which are celebratory, sisterly and occasionally angry, the lads’ events, and there aren’t many, are heavy on advocating brotherly support and concerns about physical and mental health.
father and little son
News in 90 Seconds – Wednesday November 19
We’re also gently reminded of the stats about men dying around four years earlier than women for largely preventable reasons, because men are less likely to seek medical help.
A poll this week revealed only 36 per cent of men do their testicular checks weekly, while nearly 70 per cent find the time to check their phones several times a day. It’s like being nagged by YouGov.
Ask the average woman when she last checked for a breast lump and she’ll look at you blankly, and then remember to do her annual pelvic floor squeeze. It’s similar to my annual sit-up which has yet to yield abs of steel.
Women have no choice but to take care of ourselves from our first tampon to our last HRT patch, and that’s before we get sick. As a result of a lifetime of self-care, if my handbag doesn’t contain paracetamol, Compeed, a plaster, and a banana I worry about losing my ‘girls-r-us’ membership badge.
The lads don’t have the same everyday bodily concerns so it’s no surprise they don’t exercise diligent levels of self-care in the face of illness or health worries.
Although I’ve now adopted the family policy that you’re not allowed to complain about pain if you haven’t at least popped one pill.
In the words of The Simpsons, the approach of “we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas” is not eliciting any sympathy from me.
But it’s support from other men which November’s health campaigns encourage. The message of this Movember is supporting men and boys, who must wonder why the word masculinity has become so negative.
The head of a posh English school pointed out last week that boys are hearing now how masculinity is toxic when they’re too young to be either masculine or toxic, paying the price for the behaviour of previous generations when they’re still in short trousers.
Most women understand that most men are lovely, kind and respectful but we’re only ever one twitching, swivel-eyed Andrew Tate video away from wondering when misogyny went viral.
Back in the real world of real men, and Tate ain’t one, the mission for Movember, and the rest of men’s lives, is simple. Spend time with people who make you feel good, talk more, move more, know your numbers about family history, race and testicular cancer risk, and know thy nuts. The knowing of the nether regions is best done in a warm shower apparently, and after that I think my work here is done.
When the campaign says talk more it possibly means actually talking about, God forbid, feelings, family, life. I’ve seen my marvellous other half spend hours in the company of mates without gleaning the tiniest bit of personal information. He couldn’t tell you if his friend’s wife is still the one-legged blue whale wrangler but he could name their top five rugby players.
In the face of truly shocking suicide figures – that one man dies by suicide somewhere in the world every minute of every day – the health message is vital, and it’s got an unlikely champion in Robbie Williams. (If you look at Robbie and think Norman Wisdom’s been cloned you’re giving your age away.)
He’s been upfront about his mental health struggles and his use of testosterone replacement therapy for reduced libido and depression, which he’s now stopped.
While women are up to our black cohosh in remedies for everything, TRT is a new kid on the block for men, now pushed on TikTok and Instagram as something closer to a lifestyle supplement. We have to communicate with a doctor to get the good stuff so maybe don’t buy your hormones off a bloke on Facebook.
My beloved may be right (but don’t tell him I said that) and we don’t shout enough about looking after the men in our lives whose tough outer shell hides a tough inner shell.
So happy International Men’s Day. Just put the bins out when you’re ready.
