Kyle Sandilands Roasts ‘Crumbling’ Nine: ‘Stepho’s Taking All The Clients… You Can’t F*cking Skip Radio Ads’
When ARN wheeled out Kyle Sandilands at its first-ever Upfronts at Sydney’s Star Casino yesterday, there was only one way it could go, and he did not disappoint. Within minutes, Sandilands proved why he is still paid the big bucks, gleefully reminding the crowd, “you can’t f*cking skip radio ads” and paying his new boss ARN CEO Michael Stephenson a ringing endorsement.
No other radio network has ever done an Upfront like this one before, he claimed, because they do more of the same every year. “They don’t change what they do year after year.”
Jokes aside, they reflected on a period of transformation for the network – new management, new technology, and a bold new content slate – teasing even bigger guests and giveaways ahead.
“And we’ve even got a bigger CEO,” Sandilands cracked. “We stole that TV guy from Channel Nine. Nine is crumbling under the loss. Karl Stefanovic said: ‘We are fucked over here, bro, Stepho’s taking all fucking clients to radio’.”
“I said, ‘well, since you can fast forward your TV ads, and my kid skips every ad on every digital platform, and he is three… you can’t fucking skip the radio ads, can you?”
Nine might argue that you in fact can’t fast forward its linear TV ads and that its own Upfront event earlier this month were praised as polished and confident.
Recalling the pair’s early days with the network, when in was called Mix 106.5 and “they only played Mariah Carey and Celine Dion” (or “shit” as he not so politely put it), Sandilands credited the station’s turnaround almost entirely to The Kyle and Jackie O Show’s success.
“We had a den in North Sydney somewhere. [There were] holes in the wall, a couple of you were down there with a couple of lowies and a few bags,” he said.
“We’ve turned that around in 11 years. I think it’s mainly because of us,” he said, not so humbly.
Jackie O, as glamorous as ever beside him, was quick to defend the wider team, adding that she thinks there are “a few other folks behind it.”
The pair admitted the last 11 years have not been without their ups and downs – marriages, babies and even drug addictions – which Sandilands joked might still be ongoing on his part.
“This is the advertising world, right? You guys will keep it on the down low. You get it,” he laughed.
The pair said they’ve never been more excited for what’s next – even podcasting, despite Sandilands confessing he’s never listened to a single one in his life.
Finally, in a rare moment of sincerity, Sandilands addressed the elephant in the room: his health. “If I don’t make it, it’s been a great time. Don’t worry about me if I have lived 1000 lives, and if I do stay around, I’m excited to be with this company.”
All in all, the appearance was brash, messy and completely on brand for the duo. More than that, it was a reminder to a room full of advertisers that in a world of skip buttons and constantly evolving technology, Kyle and Jackie O and great radio content is still one thing you can’t scroll past.
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