AS if England’s humiliation on the field wasn’t bad enough, Jofra Archer turned up to the ground carrying a pillow.
A pillow? You’ve got to be joking.
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England suffered another disastrous day in the AshesCredit: Getty
They are on the verge of a second straight defeat in the seriesCredit: AFP
Jofra Archer with his pillow on the way to the GabbaCredit: Channel 7
It provided perfect ammunition for the Aussies to mock and mickey-take as England’s Ashes dreams descended further towards dust.
Barrel-chested former opener Matthew Hayden chimed in on Aussie TV with: “I’m sorry, but that’s a shocking look.
“If I was a batsman, I tell you what I’d be doing. I’d be digging in. Forever. I’d be looking over and thinking, ‘You’re never going to sleep on that.’”
Hayden was right, too. The sight of England’s premier fast bowler clutching an item of bedding sent all the wrong signals.
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Maybe Archer needed the pillow for physio or to get comfortable in the dressing-room. But hide the damn thing in a bag.
Doesn’t anybody tell him? Or are England so wrapped up in their own bubble that they didn’t even realise how bad it looked?
It was also a metaphor for England’s performance. Dozy, weary, absolutely bloody comatose.
England are just repeating their failings in a doom loop of self-destruction.
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The bowling was wayward and undisciplined, the catching terrible and the batting, well, it could hardly have been worse. Rinse and repeat.
By the close of a grim day three in the Second Test, England had disintegrated to 134-6 in their second innings – still 43 runs short of making Australia bat again.
England’s batting let them down once again down underCredit: Getty
England can’t say they weren’t warned about their approach to this tour because they damn well were.
Virtually every concern and criticism – frequently from the ‘has-beens’ former players – has turned out to be true.
The pre-series preparation was inadequate. The refusal to play a pink ball practice match was wrong.
The batsmen should not attempt to drive on the up at Perth and Brisbane. The fast bowlers are undercooked.
The insistence that aggressive Bazball is the only way to play Test cricket was arrogant. The blind faith in under-performing players such as Zak Crawley and Ollie Pope was worrying.
England’s batsmen just couldn’t find their rhythmCredit: Getty
England’s skipper had no answer for the game slipping awayCredit: Reuters
All of the above has been written and said for weeks, months, even years. And all of it has come hammering home in the first two Tests.
For example…
Ben Duckett had already been dropped by Michael Neser from a caught and bowled chance when a Scott Boland shooter flicked the toe of his bat and crashed into the stumps.
Then Ollie Pope and Zak Crawley both offered gentle return catches to Neser.
Can you believe it? Two of England’s top three were caught and bowled and the other survived a caught and bowled chance. All to a 35-year-old trundler who is Australia’s sixth-choice seamer. It was brainless batting.
Joe Root, Harry Brook and Jamie Smith were all caught behind before the end of the day. Brook got a good ball but Root and Smith succumbed to wishy-washy drives.
By then, England were batting in tricky conditions against the pink ball under floodlights – the result of screwing up with the ball and dropping five catches.
The Aussies just know that England’s batting will implode.
Boland said: “England always play their shots and I felt that, if we put balls in the right areas, we’d get chances.”
So simple, really. So soft, England.
The foibles of Crawley and Pope are well known, but Duckett is struggling and seems to be lacking fitness, Brook still doesn’t know how to pace an innings and Smith looks knackered from keeping wicket and declining fast.
Events across the Tasman Sea passed England by. West Indies, one of the weaker Test teams, batted for 163.3 overs to hold on for an epic draw against New Zealand.
How England could have done with some of that resolve and determination.
Mitchell Starc added a top score of 77 in Australia’s first innings total of 511 to his bundle of wickets. He, Boland and the rest of Australia’s lower-order played it perfectly to make sure England batted in the most difficult conditions.
All eleven of Australia’s batsmen reached double figures – the first time that’s happened in an Ashes Test for 97 years. There were six partnerships of fifty or more and the last four wickets added 182 runs.
Compare that to England’s first innings when three of the top seven were out for ducks.
Batting coach Marcus Trescothick was wheeled out to try to explain England’s demise. He said: “We appreciate we’re behind the game but you have to try to remain focused and positive.
“We work with the players. Myself and Baz talk to them about how we’re trying to play. When we get it right, we dominate and put pressure on the opposition. Other times, we don’t get it right and play bad shots.”
You can say that again.
Australia were loving it as they comfortably stunted England’s chaseCredit: Getty
Mitchell Starc has been in fine form for the AussiesCredit: Getty
